vestibular warrior: mindset is our superpower

The most common question I get asked when it comes to my vestibular disorder is: how do you get through it? 
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I can assure you that confidence does not happen overnight. 

I had to get incredibly uncomfortable every moment of every day for days, weeks and months to uncover a whole lot of courage and determination.  It started by showing up in my life again, but this time with a vestibular disorder.  My youngest child was three months old and my older son was two years old when the vestibular stuff hit.  They needed me.  I still was up half the night to feed my baby, and to be honest it’s all a crazy blur.  I was getting by only by focusing on life moment-to-moment.  I relentlessly moved through each day regardless of how I felt and fighting every moment somehow knowing I could do it no matter what. 

My simple answer is:   I showed up.

I had to hit the true edge of my comfort zone, to then find confidence while sitting in that feeling. 

When I felt like I was standing on a moving dock 24/7 for months on end, I showed up.  I went to work and the grocery store and everywhere and it all felt awful.  Nowhere provided relief so I figured going through the motions was worth a shot.

When the anxiety was coursing through my body like fire, I showed up.

When I felt off kilter and completely detached from the world, I showed up.

That’s the blessing part of an invisible disorder…I could show up because on the outside I was still the same person.

I remember standing in line at the grocery store experiencing so many symptoms, the lights driving me crazy, feeling like I was floating, taking steps like I was on a trampoline, and wondering if anyone else felt like I did in that moment.  What I learned was that I am not alone and that provided me with comfort in the darker moments. 

​Showing up was half the battle, but from doing it over and over (and over) again, it got easier.  I learned to trust my body and that even when I was being overcome with symptoms, I could still push through.  But it took repetitive practice for months until, one day, I was the one in control again.  I was out in the world, living life once again, but with a vestibular disorder.

My mindset towards my vestibular disorder was one of the strongest elements that I had going for me.  I’m not bragging as I’m sure you understand that vestibular stuff has the ability to make you feel powerless, so I was grasping for whatever I could hang onto.  I was in pure ‘survival mode’.  I wouldn’t have left my house if it wasn’t for the persistent determination to be a part of life.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have terrible days, because the symptoms were dreadful for a long while. 

But, my mindset carried me through those difficult moments and forced me to look beyond the hell I was drowning in.  I was always working to stay afloat and to do that I had to fight every moment.  It’s exhausting, right?  It weighed on my heart + soul so heavily, but I’m telling you that my mindset had power over that weight.  

I’m going to let you into my mind, because then you can experience what carried me through the darkness and out of the tunnel:

This vestibular ‘stuff’ does not define me.  It is a part of me, but it is certainly not all of me.  I am in the driver’s seat.  I will see beyond these all-consuming symptoms.  There is life beyond these symptoms.  Fear will not dominate me.  I will crush that fear with my hope, resilience and everything beautiful that makes up me, and I will keep showing up.  I will show up every single day until every moment isn’t so challenging.  I will cry and breakdown and then I will get up, every time.  This disorder is just a part of my life, but it is not own all of my life.
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I can heal, nourish + elevate my mind + body. 

I will heal, and this disorder is shaping me for all I’m meant to do in this life.

I encourage you evaluate how your perspective is either hurting or healing you. 

Start living now, not when you’re through this disorder.  I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be completely through it, but I refuse to miss an opportunity to start fresh and live authentically as me, with a vestibular disorder, with happiness, with tough days, with really hard moments, with hope, with excitement, with happiness, and with an enthusiasm to see how I grow. 

If I let this disorder take me down, then it would be me saying ‘no’ to the opportunity of a lifetime.  I’m going to enjoy life with this disorder if it takes everything out of me because otherwise I’m missing out. 

xoxo,
​Em

{for my full story, watch my video here and visit here and here; contact me here.