As we embark on another year, I've been thinking about what I want most for this space in the next year.  My mission continues to be to provide Vestibular Warriors with a holistic toolkit to own their wellness.  Vestibular conditions have the ability to make us feel entirely powerless; therefore, this space is meant to do the exact opposite.  I want to empower you to create your wellness and give you the resources to thrive.  I've been journeying with the vestibular stuff for the last three+ years and I've gone from sinking in constant overwhelming symptoms to experiencing symptoms quite minimally, with most days being symptom-free.

I'm so damn grateful for that.  Gratitude does not even express how I feel about the fact that most days I live in a balanced grounded state.  

There was a time that I didn’t talk about my vestibular something, and now I can’t shut up about it.  I wrote Uncovering Bliss: A Journey with a Vestibular Condition & Beyond to provide love and light to other Vestibular Warriors.  It's an honest account of what it felt like to be in the midst of a vestibular condition.  I want others to know they are not alone in the storm.  I know it made a difference in my life when I was trudging through the darkness, symptoms attacking my mind and body, having people like you who just understood how it felt.

As I think back over the last three+ years and my journey with vestibular neuritis and vestibular migraines, I thought it would be helpful to share a few things that have helped me most in the storm.  In particular, I want to share things that I had power over.  Of course this is such a personal journey so what helps me might not be the ticket for you, but I think that these things can provide a Vestibular Warrior the opportunity to feel better, while elevating wellness.

These days my objective is to not have a vestibular migraine attack. At one point when I was in the darkness of 24/7 symptoms, my goal was to get through the day with as few bumps as possible. The first year I could not make sense of the vestibular neuritis symptoms vs. vestibular migraine attacks.  It was soul-crushing chaos.  I was in my version of survival mode at that time.  When I was at my beginning, all I wanted was to hear stories of people breaking through the vestibular symptom chaos. It's still something that fills my heart up and I know that I have to put my wellness as a top priority to stay on top of VM, rather than sinking beneath it.

If you're interested in learning more about my journey, I encourage you to visit my Most Frequently Asked Questions page.

​And now let's jump into the goodness!  Note that the things I discuss are still a large part of my wellness routine.

The physical therapist I saw in the first few months after it hit was the first person to say the words "vestibular neuritis" to me. She actually mentioned labyrinthitis first and I put the pieces together that I most likely had vestibular neuritis (which involves no hearing changes). In the early weeks upon Googling my symptoms I landed on a number of YouTube videos of people performing exercises to basically retrain their bodies after a vestibular condition hit. Similar exercises were given to me from my physical therapist. Although I could act normal on the outside, inside I felt insanely off kilter, unbalanced, disconnected from my body and as if I was floating- always floating.

Looking back I can very clearly see that the fact that I pushed through my normal life from the beginning (minus the first week) helped me tremendously. It saved me on many levels. Going through life became my own personal version of VRT. In my case it was super intense going through the motions of my life (going to work, grocery shopping, going out in the world, keeping up with my baby and toddler).

​It felt awful. I need a new word for awful because it felt impossible every moment for months and months until it started to get easier. Without knowing it, I was helping my body learn to move again in the world and find a balanced state. I think many do this with vestibular therapy and that's why I mention it. My real life of version of vestibular therapy every moment of every day was my ticket to finding my balance once again; although, at that time I was in pure survival mode.

[I talk a lot more about journeying with my vestibular condition, healing and eventually thriving on YouTube (Vestibular Warrior channel)]

If you have a diagnosis, that's awesome. Congrats.  If you don't, I'm sending love and light your way and I know how that goes. I self diagnosed myself long before a doctor slapped a label on my vestibular condition (21 months in by the way). The first neurologist that I saw offered me no answers. The internet was more helpful, but that only increased my panic. As time went on, I cared less about the fact that I didn't have a diagnosis and more about healing. I just wanted to find myself in the storm of my vestibular something.

Because I didn't have a diagnosis, my goal from the start was just to help my body heal and find its natural grounded state.  The first thing I looked at was my diet.  November marked my 10-year anniversary of embracing a vegan diet and it has been such an incredible gift in my life.  That being said, I had a lot to learn when it came to the Migraine Diet and how it could help me. 

The first thing that I did was read Heal Your Headache (and I think you should too!) which gave me a base knowledge on the why/what of the Migraine Diet.  The book talks about common food triggers for migraine sufferers and how food can push us over our threshold, which plays a part in why we have episodes/attacks (whatever you like to call them).

I was very open to giving diet shifts a whirl because it was something I could control, and I'm a fan of that.  The trick was making it work within my plant-based framework.  At twenty-one years old, a vegan diet changed my life in a really big way.  It released my mind and body of so much negativity and quite literally gave me my glow.  It helped me uncover myself and learn to look at my body with love.  A decade later and in the throes of a heaving vestibular something, I did not want to break vegan; although, it was something I considered (I talk more about that in my book).  Ultimately I knew that saying goodbye to vegan was not the answer.

The below is the diet I followed strictly for a period of six months.  I still stick to it for the most part, but I admit chocolate does make an almost daily appearance these days.

I was not supplementing consistently when my vestibular something hit. I wanted to help my body on a deeper level, so I started doing my research. I was introduced to the doTERRA Lifelong Vitality Pack and after reading about the properties/goal of the supplements, I jumped on board. I have been taking these supplements [the vegan version] for the last three+ years and I probably will my entire life. I talk about these three supplements in depth in my Vestibular Warrior e-book, but I've included the basic details below.

You can get these supplements: here.  

Alpha CRS+ Cellular Vitality Complex: contains powerful polyphenols that protect cells from free radicals that can damage cellular DNA, mitochondria, and other critical cell structures [Note on POLYPHENOLS: A class of antioxidant molecules that provide numerous longevity health benefits including powerful antioxidant protection against free-radical damage to cellular DNA, mitochondria, and other critical cell structures.]

vEO Mega: Provides a unique blend of essential fatty acids that are so important to our diet but delivers them from plant and algae-based sources. A single daily dose of vEO Mega provides 1,200 mg of botanical omegas with 555 mg of ALA from flax seed oil and Incha Inchi oil, 100 mg of DHA from algae, 20 mg of GLA from borage oil, and a varied blend of other plant-sourced essential fatty acids.

Microplex VMz: A balanced formula of essential vitamins and bioavailable minerals carefully formulated to provide optimal levels of key micronutrients that support energy and immune functions.

OVERVIEW:

​The do-TERRA® Lifelong Vitality Program includes these antioxidant and energy cofactors:

-Acetyl-L-Carnitine: Helps shuttle fatty acids into mitochondria for energy production
-Alpha Lipoic Acid: Supports the production of ATP and acts as a powerful antioxidant in mitochondria
-Coenzyme Q10: Important coenzyme for energy production; supports heart health
-Quercetin: Provides powerful polyphenol antioxidant protection in mitochondria and other cell structures
-Resveratrol: Polyphenol found in red wine; supports healthy mitochonodrial biogenesis
-Vitamins and Minerals: Essential cofactors of energy production in cells
-Essential Fatty Acids: Required for cell growth; supports healthy cellular function

I also added in a high-quality probiotic supplement for gut health.  The majority of our immune system resides in the gut and I knew mine needed a heck of a lot of love.  I take PB Assist+ and recommend it to all Vestibular Warriors.

PB Assist+: a proprietary formula of pre-biotic fiber and six strains of probiotic microorganisms in a unique doublelayer vegetable capsule. It delivers 6 billion CFUs of active probiotic cultures and soluble pre-biotic FOS (fructooligosaccharides) that encourage friendly bacterial growth.

I talk a lot about oils around here!  I use Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils as a part of my pro-active natural treatment and they are a source of light in my life.  I also share my favorite oils for Vestibular Warriors as well as my go-to routine if symptoms heighten.  I started using pure plant oils a month into the vestibular stuff and I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, but I wanted holistic support.  I was receiving no help from doctors and I wanted to feel like I was doing something to elevate my wellness and support my body in healing.  A dear friend helped me get set up with oils and I never looked back.  They continue to be my main natural toolkit to support my health each and every day.  

I didn't embrace exercise until around a year in.  At that time, I believe I had healed mostly from vestibular neuritis, but was stuck in a cycle of vestibular migraines.  I felt ready to help my body find ground with movement and I was ready to take the step into exercise.  I started slowww.  In my book I talk about discovering Kait Hurley's move + meditate workouts.  I had never meditated before and yoga was also relatively new to me.  I felt so unstable when I started the workouts but over days, weeks and months I started to find ground within my body and gain strength.  It was empowering and it was around this time (15 months in) that I started to feel like I was coming back to life.  I certainly had more progress to make, but I was making strides because of these workouts and it felt fantastic.

I started running again 19 months in and it truly brought me back to life.  It built the confidence that had been dampened along the way.  I still love to run, but prefer more yoga-type workouts these days.

I share these things because they were within my control and that alone gave me some relief.  I had the power to make strides in my wellness.  There are absolutely other things that helped along the way (connecting with others, mindset, craniosacral + chiropractic work, foam rolling, and later a migraine medication (which was the hammer to finish the job)- visit the Vestibular Warrior Wellness Hub for more holistic goodness), but my life "VRT", nourishing diet, oils and supplements were an important step in my healing.  They continue to be a driver in my glowing wellness.

I hope that you found this post helpful and if you have any questions please feel free to reach out.

-Em

Hi there!

It's been a week of reflecting over the last three years over here.  Today marks three years since vestibular neuritis hit, which triggered a cycle of vestibular migraines, none of which I could make sense of or understand in the beginning.  Everything is only so much clearer in retrospect.  I shared an episode today on the Bliss Out Vibes podcast talking about the power that we hold when it comes to our healing.  I also tell a story about an experience with a doctor that felt soul-crushing at the time, but created the shift I needed to keep showing up and relentlessly pushing forward.  

I'm sharing my story so that someone sitting in their beginning with vestibular neuritis or vestibular migraines is given a piece of hope.  So they know that they are not alone even though vestibular conditions can feel so isolating.  I'm sharing because three years ago I needed to hear someone else's story to help me find the light in mine, and I have since connected with many incredible Vestibular Warriors who have been such a light in my life.  It's a gift that I want to give back.  

I'm going to share what the last three years looked like merely to paint a picture of what healing has been for me.  Of course our stories will be different and just because my story looks a certain way doesn't mean it's right or wrong, it's just how the path unfolded for me.  I'm still traveling along that path.  I can gratefully say that I've recovered my wellness and continuing to do everything I can to promote vibrant health.

I went to many doctors before the term vestibular neuritis was said to me.  It was a physical therapist who stated that it probably was what I was dealing with, but I had come across the term on the internet prior to meeting with her.  The symptoms made sense and I so badly wanted to put a label on what I was experiencing.  My youngest was three months old when it hit.  I was full of so much love and so thankful for my beautiful baby while simultaneously feeling stuck in the darkness of my vestibular something searching for answers.   [For more information on vestibular neuritis, visit here]

Around a year in, I felt like I had climbed a huge mountain.  The floating feeling had faded along with the mental fatigue.  I was feeling so much more like myself; although, changed from the experience (I talk about mindset (our superpower) in my e-book Vestibular Warrior).  My symptoms became more erratic though, with ups and downs that I couldn't make sense of.  I'd have days of feeling 80% better and then I'd get swarmed with symptoms.  I started talking more with other Vestibular Warriors and a fellow mom mentioned to me that my symptoms seemed a lot like what she was dealing with, which was vestibular migraines.

It all started to make sense... the periods of feeling better (not 100%, but so close) and then unexpected regressions as I had called them.  The vestibular migraine label fit and so I started working to address that. [For more information on vestibular migraines, visit here]

My main symptoms included:
-derealization, like I was looking at my life from behind a window
-my eyes not wanting to focus, more intensely during episodes
-out of the blue anxiety attack
-like I was walking on a trampoline during attacks
-nausea + dizziness during an attack
-rarely any migraine pain

Nourishing plant-based diet, supplements, essential oils, move + meditate workouts, chiropractic adjustments, running (eventually)... it all became so important to maintain my wellness and continue to heal during the second year.  Diet + essential oils are still, and always will be, a crucial part of my everyday wellness routine to thrive.  I started a migraine-preventive medicine 19 months in that broke the constant cycle of attacks that happened weekly.  That's a whole other story though that I share here.  

I hit 100% around the two-year mark and have enjoyed the last year with a gratitude that cannot be explained.  I haven't been completely symptom free, but they only make an occasional appearance these days.  I had three intense episodes in the last year that I was able to dig myself out of within the day. 

It's felt like the greatest gift and I'm reminded of that gift - the grounded, balanced state - every day.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I'm working to wean off the migraine medicine.  I believe in holistic health and I want to give my body the opportunity to find its balance.  It's going to be a process and something I will share here.  

HOLISTIC NUTRITION

I'm back in school studying holistic nutrition all inspired by my journey with a vestibular something.  I want to be deeply in touch with the art of healing.

SHARING THE OILS LIFE

I'm sharing the essential oils life because it's been such a happy place even in the darkness of the vestibular stuff.  I love giving others the gift of owning their wellness through a holistic toolkit.

OWNING OUR WELLNESS

I want to be a part of the empowered movement for all of us living with a vestibular condition to take ownership of our wellness.  The movement already exists which is evident, but so many are still lost in the darkness.  There was a time that I was sinking in it.

​We all deserve to find light.

This three-year anniversary marks a year of finding my balance and making life shifts in the direction of my choosing. 

I want this next year to be a deeper focus on holistic health and what that means not only for me, but all of us Vestibular Warriors embracing life and embodying  glowing wellness- with a vestibular condition and beyond.  It's a beautiful thing.

I hope this post finds you well.  But please know, that if you are in your beginning with vestibular neuritis, vestibular migraines, or another vestibular condition, and feeling utterly lost, just know that your beginning is a beautiful place to start.

​Em :)

I remember saying out loud I'd rather lose my arm than go through this.  That's not a fair statement to say and I know that now, but in the throes of the vestibular hell I was angry...but that was really just a cover for the sadness.   And in the darkest moments the derealization was so intense I felt like I was losing my grip on reality.  What if I fall into the darkness?

​One of the things I encounter most when talking with other vestibular warriors is the feeling of desperation.  I know that feeling intimately.  I have a clear memory of the time that I was driving and I felt the anxiety spike.  That raging anxiety that warned me the vestibular storm was on its way.  I safely pulled over in a parking lot and got out of the car.  Sure enough my world was off kilter and I no longer was connected to the body that was apparently mine.  The tears starting falling as I tried to spatially gather my surroundings.  All I felt was overwhelming fear and desperation.  That's the dark part of that story.

The light is that I did gather myself even though I was rattled to my core.  I showed up that day like nothing had happened and I somehow made it through.  And because I did that, I looked that desperation in the eye.  The fear didn't disappear that day, but it also didn't define me.  So when people ask me about conquering that feeling of despair, I'm honest. 

​Feel it and acknowledge it, but figure out how to walk beside it.  Because the more you walk beside it, the more you'll realize it's actually slipping behind as you move forward. 

If you are in the beginning or messy middle with a vestibular something and questioning if healing is possible, I'm here to argue that it is. 

I can't tell you what that looks like for you, but I believe to my core that it is completely possible.  Healing involves the mind, body, soul and everything in between.  If you feel broken right now, it's time to look at this as an opportunity to put the pieces - everything that makes up you - where you want them.

Vestibular conditions are complicated and our treatments may vary, but when it comes to healing the heartbreak and pain, I think we get each other completely.  I think so many of us can relate to one another on that bumpy trail.  We are simultaneously walking trails that are intertwined and when our paths cross, it's a sigh of relief that someone else is also out on the trail.

My heart tells me that I must share so that others on the trail know they are not alone.  

My mind imagines a movement of all of us taking back our wellness.

And my soul knows that we are meant to thrive in this beautiful life- with a vestibular something and beyond.

Vestibular Warrior Resources // YouTube Videos [Vestibular Warrior] // Oils Routine for Vestibular Warriors // Contact Em

Migraine Vegan Diet // Plant-based diet: YouTube video}

Our food choices have the power to make huge shifts  in our bodies + our world.

Eliminating the junk, gives the body the opportunity to free itself of that weight, both emotionally and physically, and as a result, it can heal, flourish + thrive.
 
Food is freaking fantastic.  It fuels us and quite literally provides us with the sustenance of our being.  It is the nourishment and first line of defense against disease.  It plays a role in our physical and emotional quality of life and is essential to our wellness.  I am an inspired advocate of a plant-based diet; however, the basis for that is whole, from the earth, foods.  I will immediately credit a large part of my ability to heal with a vestibular condition to the way I was eating.  In my mind, there’s no doubt about  it.  I know in my soul that it pulled me up and out and gave me the energy to push forward.   

Admittedly, I didn’t have much of an appetite in the beginning.  When you’re world is off kilter and walking is a huge task, my appetite certainly wasn’t vibrant.  I drank a lot of smoothies (and continue to).  It was a way for me to simply pack in nutrition when functioning was a battle of its own.

I first embraced a plant-based diet in 2009, which changed my world, my perspective, how I felt about myself, and at the same time released me of so much negativity.  It certainly didn't happen overnight, but looking back over the last decade I can very easily point out that making that shift was
the catalyst for so much goodness.

I once received a comment how my plant-based diet didn’t stop me from getting hit with vestibular neuritis.  That hurt my heart (a lot), mostly because a vestibular disorder is damaging enough, and adding guilt on top of it was like a pile of bricks on my soul. 

But that’s correct, it didn’t stop it from happening, but man did it fuel me to stand back up, fight onward, and conquer.

Even though I was eating a plant-based diet when it all happened, I still needed to make tweaks.  It’s about really listening and paying attention to the feedback your body is giving you.  You may find that certain foods are triggers for symptoms (read: Migraine Vegan Diet) and therefore, they are not helping your body. 

That doesn’t mean you need to say goodbye to those foods forever.  As far as triggering foods, we are all different.  Many with vestibular migraines find they need to stay clear of coffee, chocolate, dairy, citrus, white sugar, gluten and processed foods.  To be honest, I believe eliminating dairy, white sugar and excess processed foods can help everyone elevate their wellness. 

Through working with a holistic doctor, I learned that sugar was feeding the problem inside me, so there was a period of time that I was more restrictive.  There was a solid six months that I avoided gluten, white sugar, processed foods, along with keeping within my plant-based framework. 

Was it hard at times?  You bet.  Was it worth it?  Absolutely. 

The food you eat will influence how you feel tomorrow and beyond, how you think, how you heal, and how you move forward.  When I was in the midst of it, I did not have the luxury to eat whatever my heart desired, but as I started to feel better, what I desired was simply nourishing food.  It might start out difficult, but then it becomes a habit, and then it is a part of you. 
​
Then, it becomes a part of your beautiful wellbeing. ​

Hi there,

It's been seven beautiful months since I've had an intense vestibular migraine attack.  As I type this, I'm so thankful that I can even make that statement and the way my body has recovered.  Of course, I'm still processing it all.

Yesterday had really (really) trying moments.  It also had beyond beautiful moments. 

In the early afternoon, I felt it start.

My anxiety spiked - whole body raging anxiety that didn't feel mental at all, but more a physical reaction.  I then felt myself start to disconnect from my body.  I suddenly was there yet feeling entirely outside my body as if we weren't the same at all.  I fought back as I always do, but I knew when it was time to just listen.  I got myself home safely.  Threw up at a stop light  and when I got home stumbled inside trying to pay attention to where my feet were stepping. 

I sobbed into my husband’s loving arms that I was having a vestibular migraine attack.  My eyes didn’t want to focus and I felt that dizzy awfulness that’s pure torture.  Sobbing was the release I needed and then I worked to compose myself, climbing under the covers, winter coat and boots still on.  Two years with a vestibular condition and I still have really hard moments. 

I massaged Basil and Peppermint essential oil on my stomach and on my temples many times over the next hour.  Slowly, I felt myself start to find ground, the nausea starting to relent. 

I was rattled to the core, but I was ok.

As I was laying on my side not daring to make a move, all I could think about was all the other vestibular warriors out there.  What once felt so isolating, is something I know so many battle.  We are not alone and I thought about how many other people were using all their energy in that moment to fight an invisible condition.  My heart goes out to them and I’m in awe of their strength.

And this little man of mine pictured above, who has been my superhero through it all (he was just 3 months old when it hit), was just what my soul needed.  I know it sounds silly, but he just gets it.  He climbed into bed with me and rested on me and all was right in the world. 

Go hug the people who fill you with love and overflowing gratitude that they’re in your universe, supporting you along this journey with a vestibular something.

xoxo,
​Em

{for my full story with a vestibular condition, visit here}

October 31, 2016 was the day that everything changed.  It has midday that I was hit with a vestibular disorder, but wouldn't understand what that even meant for many months later.

In short, it flipped my world upside down.  I went from feeling in control to losing my sense of self in the world, quite literally.  Feeling off kilter, like I was living on a moving dock, looking at my life from the outside, anxiety coursing through my system, were a few of the symptoms that consumed my days.  No breaks- my symptoms were every second of every day.  I had no warning that this disorder would hit and certainly wasn’t prepared for it. 

I had experienced a cold/ear infection the week prior, but didn’t think anything of it.  I expected my body to heal and I would be just fine.  I never could have predicted what happened next.  I was sitting at my computer at work and everything just shifted in an instant.  I felt sideways, off kilter, completely ungrounded and I couldn’t focus on the words on my computer screen.  I stumbled across the office to find my friend and tell her what was happening. 

But what was happening? 

I felt so off kilter, disconnected and I had no sense of myself.  That night as I went trick-or-treating with my boys (because I was determined to be a part of it), I was feeling awful with anxiety coursing my system, disconnected and scared, but I had it in my head that I would sleep this off.  It honestly did not cross my mind that this was anything more than cold symptoms.  Being so naïve was a blessing in a weird way because had I know the battle ahead, I’m not sure how I would have understood it. 

There are no easy words to describe the onset of a vestibular disorder (in my case vestibular neuritis which triggered vestibular migraines, which I’d find out over a year down the road).  I would say things like, “imagine you’re standing on a moving dock and you’re frightened and can’t get a grip on the anxiety”.  The thing is I never would have understood it, until I was sinking deep in it.

And I felt that way every second from that moment on, for months... 

There is so much emotion wrapped into the early moments because it’s all so terrifying, confusing and heartbreaking.  I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but in those early months I accepted that this wasn’t going away overnight.  I pleaded with the universe that I’d just wake up and it would be gone, but I was quickly learned that it just wasn’t the case for me.

This is when my ‘fight’ mechanism kicked in.   This just couldn’t take me down.   There was no way I would allow it to.   So I cried a lot (and then sobbed harder) and then I picked myself up and took action.

I held tight onto potential for improvement + gratitude for all the good in my life.

I ate a plant-based diet to fuel, support + help my body heal every single day.

I used pure essential oils to support my entire being and cope with the many all-consuming symptoms, both physical and emotional. 

I worked with a holistic doctor and neurologist (eventually) and around two-years in, with persistence and hope, I started to truly feel like myself again. 

I entered into my version of 'recovery'.

All I had longed for throughout the battle with this ‘vestibular stuff’ was to feel like myself.  I knew I was still there deep within, but my physical wellbeing had been so hurt (it felt destroyed) and my heart wounded, and it would take a fight to come through.  I uncovered my relentless drive to push forward, my heart to help others and inspire a perspective of gratitude, and my passion to discover how this experience would shape my life.​

I went into survival mode for weeks, and then months.  I still have those moments.  If someone had told me the day it hit that I would still be dealing with vestibular symptoms years later, I would have told them, ‘‘no way, I can’t”. 

But here I am doing just that and I’m leading a happy life. 

Not without its challenges, but I’m grateful for it all at this point.  It’s been a journey of really getting to know myself.  It’s been finding happiness in dark moments because it certainly exists.  I’ve seen many doctors, explored both holistic and western medicine approaches and learned a lot.  And I’m still learning, constantly.  I believe that I had vestibular neuritis, which trigged vestibular migraines.  I also believe that I’m a vestibular warrior. (And by the way, if you are dealing with a vestibular condition, I know that you are a vestibular warrior too).

Recovery for me means that most days I feel pretty great. 

I’m not entirely without symptoms, but I am at peace with this condition and I am empowered and armed to support myself along the way.  I know that this is not the ‘end’ and I will continue to expand my knowledge to fully understand the roots of this vestibular disorder. 

I’m sharing my experiences because I am  overflowing with gratitude from the progress I’ve made and I know there are others that can benefit from hearing the story of a fellow vestibular warrior.

I would love to hear your story, because we all have one.  Whether it's a vestibular condition or something else, we all can inspire one another and flourish.

The most common question I get asked when it comes to my vestibular disorder is: how do you get through it? 
​
I can assure you that confidence does not happen overnight. 

I had to get incredibly uncomfortable every moment of every day for days, weeks and months to uncover a whole lot of courage and determination.  It started by showing up in my life again, but this time with a vestibular disorder.  My youngest child was three months old and my older son was two years old when the vestibular stuff hit.  They needed me.  I still was up half the night to feed my baby, and to be honest it’s all a crazy blur.  I was getting by only by focusing on life moment-to-moment.  I relentlessly moved through each day regardless of how I felt and fighting every moment somehow knowing I could do it no matter what. 

My simple answer is:   I showed up.

I had to hit the true edge of my comfort zone, to then find confidence while sitting in that feeling. 

When I felt like I was standing on a moving dock 24/7 for months on end, I showed up.  I went to work and the grocery store and everywhere and it all felt awful.  Nowhere provided relief so I figured going through the motions was worth a shot.

When the anxiety was coursing through my body like fire, I showed up.

When I felt off kilter and completely detached from the world, I showed up.

That’s the blessing part of an invisible disorder…I could show up because on the outside I was still the same person.

I remember standing in line at the grocery store experiencing so many symptoms, the lights driving me crazy, feeling like I was floating, taking steps like I was on a trampoline, and wondering if anyone else felt like I did in that moment.  What I learned was that I am not alone and that provided me with comfort in the darker moments. 

​Showing up was half the battle, but from doing it over and over (and over) again, it got easier.  I learned to trust my body and that even when I was being overcome with symptoms, I could still push through.  But it took repetitive practice for months until, one day, I was the one in control again.  I was out in the world, living life once again, but with a vestibular disorder.

My mindset towards my vestibular disorder was one of the strongest elements that I had going for me.  I’m not bragging as I’m sure you understand that vestibular stuff has the ability to make you feel powerless, so I was grasping for whatever I could hang onto.  I was in pure ‘survival mode’.  I wouldn’t have left my house if it wasn’t for the persistent determination to be a part of life.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have terrible days, because the symptoms were dreadful for a long while. 

But, my mindset carried me through those difficult moments and forced me to look beyond the hell I was drowning in.  I was always working to stay afloat and to do that I had to fight every moment.  It’s exhausting, right?  It weighed on my heart + soul so heavily, but I’m telling you that my mindset had power over that weight.  

I’m going to let you into my mind, because then you can experience what carried me through the darkness and out of the tunnel:

This vestibular ‘stuff’ does not define me.  It is a part of me, but it is certainly not all of me.  I am in the driver’s seat.  I will see beyond these all-consuming symptoms.  There is life beyond these symptoms.  Fear will not dominate me.  I will crush that fear with my hope, resilience and everything beautiful that makes up me, and I will keep showing up.  I will show up every single day until every moment isn’t so challenging.  I will cry and breakdown and then I will get up, every time.  This disorder is just a part of my life, but it is not own all of my life.
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I can heal, nourish + elevate my mind + body. 

I will heal, and this disorder is shaping me for all I’m meant to do in this life.

I encourage you evaluate how your perspective is either hurting or healing you. 

Start living now, not when you’re through this disorder.  I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be completely through it, but I refuse to miss an opportunity to start fresh and live authentically as me, with a vestibular disorder, with happiness, with tough days, with really hard moments, with hope, with excitement, with happiness, and with an enthusiasm to see how I grow. 

If I let this disorder take me down, then it would be me saying ‘no’ to the opportunity of a lifetime.  I’m going to enjoy life with this disorder if it takes everything out of me because otherwise I’m missing out. 

xoxo,
​Em

{for my full story, watch my video here and visit here and here; contact me here.

Hi there!
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I’m back with a post that I’ve wanted to write since the day I was hit with a vestibular disorder, only I didn’t know when it would happen for a long while.  I had no idea that a vestibular disorder would be a part of my life or the fight that I would take on to find my way through it.  Let’s be honest, I didn’t even know what a vestibular disorder was when I was hit with it.  Because, when I got sick that day in October 2016, just three months after the birth of my second boy, I thought it was like any other cold.  Even when I was hit with frightening non-stop vertigo days later, I still had no idea what was happening.  It wasn’t until months later that I started to accept that this “disorder” would be a  part of my life and it was certainly not going away overnight.

​In case you’re just jumping in, feel free to visit my past posts including how I thrive in this beautiful life with a vestibular disorder, the things that helped me, and my path to getting here.

[Note: I use the term “vestibular disorder” loosely because there is a variety of diagnoses within that term.  For me, it specifically means Vestibular Neuritis, Vestibular Migraines and Persistent Postural-Perceptual Dizziness.  I’ve linked each of the terms to provide information that I hope will help you.  It took a while for me to get a diagnosis and educating myself was crucial to my healing.  Advocating for and educating myself has been a huge part of my experience.]

Here I am, over two years later, and I will boldly use the word “recovered”.  However, in doing so, I need to explain what that means for me.  Because life never will be the same as it was before the disorder hit.  That’s because going through something that tested me on every level – physically and mentally – every moment of every day, well, simply put, there’s no coming out the same person.  And that’s ok.  In fact, these days I’m grateful for the journey I went through (and continue to) because of the ways it has shifted my perspective, showed me my unrelenting strength to keep moving forward, and given me an opportunity to really evaluate what I want out of this life.

I’m sharing about the road I took to healing for several reasons:

I want to provide hope to others.  Whether you’re going through a vestibular disorder, some other chronic condition, or just want to feel better.

I want to empower people to take control of their situations (even when feeling out of control may be a constant).

Lastly, I want to provide a hub of support- a resource filled with holistic health tips and guidance to keep pushing forward and enjoy the moments in this life.  There are many negative, ugly, sad and lonely things about a vestibular disorder and I’ve learned to acknowledge this aspect without letting it dictate my life.  The focus for this space that I’m creating will be all about feeling empowered.

Coping with and healing from a vestibular disorder has been a two-year process and it continues daily.  Recovery for me means that my vestibular disorder no longer brings me down.  It doesn’t mean that I do not have any symptoms, but when I do, I don’t give them any power.  It means that I’m at the point where I believe that going through this experience is shaping me for all that I am meant to do.

I continue to take a holistic approach to my health and I believe that has been almost exclusively why I’ve gotten where I am today.  And the amazing part about that is that I knew I could make lifestyle changes to benefit my health; it was within me to make changes to help my body heal.  I believe in the power of whole plant-based foods, supplements to fill any gaps, essential oils (my plant powered support), movement to strengthen and cleanse the body, and working on my mental and emotional health.  I also believe that there is a place for western medicine.  Each component has played a part in my recovery.

Recovery does not have just one meaning.  I actually used this word very purposefully.  If I defined recovery as completely back to my “old self” or when I’m 100% all the time then I honestly don’t know that I’d ever say it.

I know that I’m recovered because I’m at peace with what I’ve been through and I will keep pushing towards feeling my absolute best.  When I’m hit with symptoms, I will let them wash over me and I will work through them with resilience.

So, here’s where I need your input.  I could tell you what my days have looked like in detail through all the stages of my vestibular disorder; I can share the holistic approaches that have helped me as well as western medicine ways.  I can talk about the many appointments with doctors who had no idea what I was talking about and why I continued to search until I found the one that understood.  I need to know what you want to hear and I truly appreciate your feedback.   Your participation will help more than you know.

I’ll be back soon, but in the meantime I hope you smile knowing that there is so much power within beautiful you.

Hi everyone!
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I wanted to share a beautiful milestone I had over the weekend. See those trees and that absolute beauty of a scene?

I ran and ENJOYED being out there.  It was a really happy moment for me because a year ago my eyes wouldn’t have been able to focus on trees.  I felt disconnected from my body, stumbling through this thing, and sinking in anxiety…and I wouldn’t have dreamed of running that stretch.

I’m 19 months in with my vestibular disorder and the last week has been the best since it all hit.  By that I mean that my symptoms were so minimal that I almost didn’t notice them, running on adrenaline, and just ecstatic to experience the world “normally” again.  I felt 95% better (which I know means nothing to most, as of course we’re all different with what it means to feel good). I’m well aware that my symptoms can change moment to moment, and a week from now I could be in a worse place, but that’s ok. I’ve gotten this far and I’ll continue to fight forward.

When it all hit suddenly at the end of 2016…vertigo and then I was left with a world of horrible symptoms that I knew nothing about, connecting with others provided insight, hope and relief. I wasn’t alone!

Each day I work to move forward, with the most important piece being that I’m living.

Life is not on hold.

I started doing yoga and other workouts again in March and plan to slowly find my way back on the trails running that I love so much. I eat healthy (plant-based diet and recently cut out sugar, but that’s another post), work with a holistic doctor, go to work, and I’m a mom of young children (my two amazing boys). Over the last 19 months living has sometimes meant just going through the motions, but over time that changed to enjoying this beautiful life again.

If you’re going through something, keep going, ok? If it’s consuming every second of your life, spend a few minutes thinking about it, cry if you need to, but then move forward. It’s easier said than done, believe me, I know.  But it has made such a difference in my life.  I never could have predicted how a vestibular dysfunction would change my world, but I’m more me from going through this experience than I’ve ever been and I’m excited to keep running forward.

I hope you all find something to smile about today!
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How are you?

{note: For any of you that may suffer from vestibular neuritis, vestibular migraines, or some sort of vestibular disorder, please know there is help out there.  You can always message me and I’d be happy to guide you to resources and talk to you about what has helped me.}