Hey Vestibular Warrior.

I've been thinking about the vibe I want to bring into the New Year.  I like that approach more than setting any exact resolution/goal; although, I do have things on my mind.  But just setting the tone for myself and the energy I want to carry into 2020 is powerful.  Living with vestibular somethings, we often do not know what the next day (or moment) will bring.  For me it's been monumental in my life finding my calm in chaos and realizing that the light that will guide me through the ups and downs is within me; it's within my power to create my glowing wellness.  Further, that means that I am responsible for taking ownership of my health.  

That's a lot to take on when you're journeying with a vestibular condition which creates a general feeling of powerlessness.  I know that feeling intimately and it used to be the energy that felt soul-crushing.  I was reacting to every symptom, every emotion, every doctor's appointment, every sway/floaty feeling/glitch... you understand.  

As we turn the corner into a brand new year, my mission is to continue to create my wellness.  It's one thing to say it and another battle to actually follow through.  I thought I'd share the pieces of bliss I'm taking into 2020, and I hope it gets you thinking what vibe you want to take with you.  After all, while we do not have control over every detail of life, we do have a choice in how we approach it.

What brings you happiness?  What makes your heart happy?  What makes your soul sigh relief at the knowledge that there is so much beauty in this world?  This may be something you really have to meditate on.  When my symptoms were storming my system and I felt like I didn't have a moment of relief, stopping to smell the roses was just not part of my schedule.  I was in pure survival mode.

However, something I've realized as I've healed from vestibular neuritis and took control of vestibular migraines, is that uncovering bliss daily is a must.  Taking pure pleasure in the small moments that make up this life is not only essential to healing, but a component of what makes up this life.  It's the secret that should be screamed.  Here are some examples from my life, so you can think on your bliss.

-Interacting with my boys and getting a glimpse of life through their eyes
-Walking the streets of Seattle with a matcha latte and listening to my favorite music playlist
-Dying my hair pink and feeling comfortable in my own skin... even with the occasional sway, migraine or other symptom; always grateful for the progress I've made
-Hearing from a fellow Vestibular Warrior that my book was a light in their day

The key was finding bliss before I was through my vestibular something.  I honestly don't know if I'll ever be completely through it, but I refuse to not find the bliss in this life as I journey along.

This is the game changer.  This is the one that changed my world.  For 21 months I didn't have a solid diagnosis.  I had self-diagnosed myself with vestibular neuritis the first year and it wasn't until that one-year mark that I started to piece together the vestibular migraine component.  I didn't have a doctor that had provided me any guidance on diagnosis.  I was working with a chiropractor that specialized in craniosacral work and another that was a holistic nutritionist.  My mission was to heal from the inside out and I decided I didn't need a label for my vestibular something in order to do that. 

Where can your mindset shift your reality?  I think this is a question we can ask ourselves most days.  It's sort of the glass half-full or half-empty conversation.  It rings true though that our mindset creates our reality.  That's why I call us Vestibular Warriors because it's empowering.  It demonstrates our strength and resilience.  

A goal of mine this year is to wean off my migraine-preventive medication.  Of course I have fear wrapped up in that.  But what if I just look at it as an opportunity to get to know myself better?  To better pay attention to my body speaking to me.  When I need extra support, I'll turn to diet, oils, movement + meditation, the support of vestibular warriors and most importantly my mindset and how it will guide me every step of the way.

When I was in the worst of the storm with my vestibular something, there was a lot of emotion and trauma that I just couldn't process in the moment.  It's only in looking back over the journey that I see clearer how I was trudging through the motions.  Sometimes when you're trudging, it's hard to really feel how an experience is shaping you.  That was certainly the case for me.  Around two years in I started to find a grounded state.  I felt my soul coming back to life and at that point I was finally ready to start opening up about the experience.  That inspired my creation of Bliss Out, the Vestibular Warrior YouTube channel and ultimately was my fuel to write my book Uncovering Bliss unfolding my journey.

I say all this to encourage you to process the emotional component of your vestibular something. 

​Maybe that means sitting in a meditation even when you feel like you're floating away.

Maybe it means opening up to someone (even if just a journal) about your vestibular something and how it makes you feel.

Maybe it means taking part is some sort of therapy (so many kinds out there!) and doing something for you.

My whole purpose and the driving force behind everything I share is that I don't want another Vestibular Warrior to feel alone.  I want to spread hope and resilience.  I want other Vestibular Warriors to know that this community understands your fears, your heartbreak and pain, but this community also will inspire you to rise up regardless of everything your vestibular something has thrown at you.  Listen to this song and then come back to this post.

I run Vestibular Warrior on Facebook which is all about holistic support & mindset to thrive with our vestibular somethings and beyond.  I'd love to connect with you.

In the next few months I'll be finishing up my holistic nutrition studies and will be able to call myself a Holistic Nutritionist.  The process of jumping back into studying has been as a gift to myself.  I believe that food is meant to heal our minds & bodies and help us find our balanced state.  In my experience it hasn't been the entire piece of recovering my wellness, but it plays an important role.  Embracing a plant-based diet a decade ago changed my life.  I literally felt negativity fall away from my essence as I learned to love my body.  Also, because I am working on getting off my migraine medication (that I started 21 months in to break the cycle), I know that diet will be ultra important and I plan to keep within my Vestibular Migraine Diet (vegan-friendly version).  

The quickest way to change how you feel about yourself is to look at how you're feeding your body and soul.  I think it's commonly the last piece we look at to shift our wellness when it should be the very first piece.  

I hope that you resonate with this post and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  I wish you all the best on your wellness journey as we dance into 2020.

Sending good vibes your way.
​
-Em

As we embark on another year, I've been thinking about what I want most for this space in the next year.  My mission continues to be to provide Vestibular Warriors with a holistic toolkit to own their wellness.  Vestibular conditions have the ability to make us feel entirely powerless; therefore, this space is meant to do the exact opposite.  I want to empower you to create your wellness and give you the resources to thrive.  I've been journeying with the vestibular stuff for the last three+ years and I've gone from sinking in constant overwhelming symptoms to experiencing symptoms quite minimally, with most days being symptom-free.

I'm so damn grateful for that.  Gratitude does not even express how I feel about the fact that most days I live in a balanced grounded state.  

There was a time that I didn’t talk about my vestibular something, and now I can’t shut up about it.  I wrote Uncovering Bliss: A Journey with a Vestibular Condition & Beyond to provide love and light to other Vestibular Warriors.  It's an honest account of what it felt like to be in the midst of a vestibular condition.  I want others to know they are not alone in the storm.  I know it made a difference in my life when I was trudging through the darkness, symptoms attacking my mind and body, having people like you who just understood how it felt.

As I think back over the last three+ years and my journey with vestibular neuritis and vestibular migraines, I thought it would be helpful to share a few things that have helped me most in the storm.  In particular, I want to share things that I had power over.  Of course this is such a personal journey so what helps me might not be the ticket for you, but I think that these things can provide a Vestibular Warrior the opportunity to feel better, while elevating wellness.

These days my objective is to not have a vestibular migraine attack. At one point when I was in the darkness of 24/7 symptoms, my goal was to get through the day with as few bumps as possible. The first year I could not make sense of the vestibular neuritis symptoms vs. vestibular migraine attacks.  It was soul-crushing chaos.  I was in my version of survival mode at that time.  When I was at my beginning, all I wanted was to hear stories of people breaking through the vestibular symptom chaos. It's still something that fills my heart up and I know that I have to put my wellness as a top priority to stay on top of VM, rather than sinking beneath it.

If you're interested in learning more about my journey, I encourage you to visit my Most Frequently Asked Questions page.

​And now let's jump into the goodness!  Note that the things I discuss are still a large part of my wellness routine.

The physical therapist I saw in the first few months after it hit was the first person to say the words "vestibular neuritis" to me. She actually mentioned labyrinthitis first and I put the pieces together that I most likely had vestibular neuritis (which involves no hearing changes). In the early weeks upon Googling my symptoms I landed on a number of YouTube videos of people performing exercises to basically retrain their bodies after a vestibular condition hit. Similar exercises were given to me from my physical therapist. Although I could act normal on the outside, inside I felt insanely off kilter, unbalanced, disconnected from my body and as if I was floating- always floating.

Looking back I can very clearly see that the fact that I pushed through my normal life from the beginning (minus the first week) helped me tremendously. It saved me on many levels. Going through life became my own personal version of VRT. In my case it was super intense going through the motions of my life (going to work, grocery shopping, going out in the world, keeping up with my baby and toddler).

​It felt awful. I need a new word for awful because it felt impossible every moment for months and months until it started to get easier. Without knowing it, I was helping my body learn to move again in the world and find a balanced state. I think many do this with vestibular therapy and that's why I mention it. My real life of version of vestibular therapy every moment of every day was my ticket to finding my balance once again; although, at that time I was in pure survival mode.

[I talk a lot more about journeying with my vestibular condition, healing and eventually thriving on YouTube (Vestibular Warrior channel)]

If you have a diagnosis, that's awesome. Congrats.  If you don't, I'm sending love and light your way and I know how that goes. I self diagnosed myself long before a doctor slapped a label on my vestibular condition (21 months in by the way). The first neurologist that I saw offered me no answers. The internet was more helpful, but that only increased my panic. As time went on, I cared less about the fact that I didn't have a diagnosis and more about healing. I just wanted to find myself in the storm of my vestibular something.

Because I didn't have a diagnosis, my goal from the start was just to help my body heal and find its natural grounded state.  The first thing I looked at was my diet.  November marked my 10-year anniversary of embracing a vegan diet and it has been such an incredible gift in my life.  That being said, I had a lot to learn when it came to the Migraine Diet and how it could help me. 

The first thing that I did was read Heal Your Headache (and I think you should too!) which gave me a base knowledge on the why/what of the Migraine Diet.  The book talks about common food triggers for migraine sufferers and how food can push us over our threshold, which plays a part in why we have episodes/attacks (whatever you like to call them).

I was very open to giving diet shifts a whirl because it was something I could control, and I'm a fan of that.  The trick was making it work within my plant-based framework.  At twenty-one years old, a vegan diet changed my life in a really big way.  It released my mind and body of so much negativity and quite literally gave me my glow.  It helped me uncover myself and learn to look at my body with love.  A decade later and in the throes of a heaving vestibular something, I did not want to break vegan; although, it was something I considered (I talk more about that in my book).  Ultimately I knew that saying goodbye to vegan was not the answer.

The below is the diet I followed strictly for a period of six months.  I still stick to it for the most part, but I admit chocolate does make an almost daily appearance these days.

I was not supplementing consistently when my vestibular something hit. I wanted to help my body on a deeper level, so I started doing my research. I was introduced to the doTERRA Lifelong Vitality Pack and after reading about the properties/goal of the supplements, I jumped on board. I have been taking these supplements [the vegan version] for the last three+ years and I probably will my entire life. I talk about these three supplements in depth in my Vestibular Warrior e-book, but I've included the basic details below.

You can get these supplements: here.  

Alpha CRS+ Cellular Vitality Complex: contains powerful polyphenols that protect cells from free radicals that can damage cellular DNA, mitochondria, and other critical cell structures [Note on POLYPHENOLS: A class of antioxidant molecules that provide numerous longevity health benefits including powerful antioxidant protection against free-radical damage to cellular DNA, mitochondria, and other critical cell structures.]

vEO Mega: Provides a unique blend of essential fatty acids that are so important to our diet but delivers them from plant and algae-based sources. A single daily dose of vEO Mega provides 1,200 mg of botanical omegas with 555 mg of ALA from flax seed oil and Incha Inchi oil, 100 mg of DHA from algae, 20 mg of GLA from borage oil, and a varied blend of other plant-sourced essential fatty acids.

Microplex VMz: A balanced formula of essential vitamins and bioavailable minerals carefully formulated to provide optimal levels of key micronutrients that support energy and immune functions.

OVERVIEW:

​The do-TERRA® Lifelong Vitality Program includes these antioxidant and energy cofactors:

-Acetyl-L-Carnitine: Helps shuttle fatty acids into mitochondria for energy production
-Alpha Lipoic Acid: Supports the production of ATP and acts as a powerful antioxidant in mitochondria
-Coenzyme Q10: Important coenzyme for energy production; supports heart health
-Quercetin: Provides powerful polyphenol antioxidant protection in mitochondria and other cell structures
-Resveratrol: Polyphenol found in red wine; supports healthy mitochonodrial biogenesis
-Vitamins and Minerals: Essential cofactors of energy production in cells
-Essential Fatty Acids: Required for cell growth; supports healthy cellular function

I also added in a high-quality probiotic supplement for gut health.  The majority of our immune system resides in the gut and I knew mine needed a heck of a lot of love.  I take PB Assist+ and recommend it to all Vestibular Warriors.

PB Assist+: a proprietary formula of pre-biotic fiber and six strains of probiotic microorganisms in a unique doublelayer vegetable capsule. It delivers 6 billion CFUs of active probiotic cultures and soluble pre-biotic FOS (fructooligosaccharides) that encourage friendly bacterial growth.

I talk a lot about oils around here!  I use Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils as a part of my pro-active natural treatment and they are a source of light in my life.  I also share my favorite oils for Vestibular Warriors as well as my go-to routine if symptoms heighten.  I started using pure plant oils a month into the vestibular stuff and I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, but I wanted holistic support.  I was receiving no help from doctors and I wanted to feel like I was doing something to elevate my wellness and support my body in healing.  A dear friend helped me get set up with oils and I never looked back.  They continue to be my main natural toolkit to support my health each and every day.  

I didn't embrace exercise until around a year in.  At that time, I believe I had healed mostly from vestibular neuritis, but was stuck in a cycle of vestibular migraines.  I felt ready to help my body find ground with movement and I was ready to take the step into exercise.  I started slowww.  In my book I talk about discovering Kait Hurley's move + meditate workouts.  I had never meditated before and yoga was also relatively new to me.  I felt so unstable when I started the workouts but over days, weeks and months I started to find ground within my body and gain strength.  It was empowering and it was around this time (15 months in) that I started to feel like I was coming back to life.  I certainly had more progress to make, but I was making strides because of these workouts and it felt fantastic.

I started running again 19 months in and it truly brought me back to life.  It built the confidence that had been dampened along the way.  I still love to run, but prefer more yoga-type workouts these days.

I share these things because they were within my control and that alone gave me some relief.  I had the power to make strides in my wellness.  There are absolutely other things that helped along the way (connecting with others, mindset, craniosacral + chiropractic work, foam rolling, and later a migraine medication (which was the hammer to finish the job)- visit the Vestibular Warrior Wellness Hub for more holistic goodness), but my life "VRT", nourishing diet, oils and supplements were an important step in my healing.  They continue to be a driver in my glowing wellness.

I hope that you found this post helpful and if you have any questions please feel free to reach out.

-Em

Hi there!

I found that when I was journeying along with my vestibular something (vestibular neuritis + vestibular migraines), it was one thing to slap a label on it, and a completely other thing to truly talk about how it felt. It was easy for a doctor to tell me I was experiencing dizziness, but that wasn't a fair description of it. I felt like I was floating 24/7 and that my world was off-kilter for months and months. Dizziness hardly summed up the complexity of how it felt.

Below I share several symptoms of vestibular migraines, but of course there are others. Our experiences may not be identical, but often there is great resemblance. I hope that my honest account provides a light for others journeying with vestibular migraines, trying to make sense of their symptoms.

Something I want to note is that my symptoms sort of evolved over time. The first year my symptoms were 24/7 and it was hard to make sense of the vestibular neuritis symptoms vs. vestibular migraine attacks. However, after the first year I had a better sense of the ups and downs, and attacks (or regressions as I called them) became much more clear. The symptoms were never identical from one attack to the next. For example, I never got extremely nauseous in the beginning; however, my last attack in July (which passed within hours, so grateful for that!), nausea/vomiting was a part of that episode. Lovely, I know. I point this out just to showcase that symptoms were not always consistent. What I discuss below is an array of the symptoms that I experienced over the course of eighteen months.

I discuss these symptoms from VEDA's website.  The full article can be read here. 

DISSOCIATIVE SYMPTOMS- this was my biggest symptom and the worst; it included derealization (disconnected from my environment) and depersonalization (disconnected from my body)

ANXIETY/PANIC- this spike was often my telltale sign of what was to follow

LIGHTHEADEDNESS- feeling like I might faint (this is a symptoms I experienced throughout my twenties along with derealization)

PHOTOPHOBIA- sensitivity to light or intolerance of light

VERTIGO- feeling like my world was spinning even though I was still

VISUAL ISSUES / DIMINISHED EYE FOCUS- difficulty focusing my eyes and my world appearing skewed (although I could completely see)

SPACIAL DISORIENTATION- suddenly needing to make sense of where I was; feeling unaware of my body's position

NAUSEA- this symptom made an appearance at times making me lose my appetite (and on a few occasions get sick)
​
NECK PAIN- this would often happen before other symptoms showed up; turning my neck would become difficult and painful to the touch

I talk all about what derealization/depersonalization felt like in the below video.  It was as if I was living behind a window (read this blog post).  It was my worst symptom and the one that I felt kept me hostage to my vestibular condition.  

The anxiety that came with my vestibular condition was a beast that could not be ignored.  In Uncovering Bliss, I write: "​The anxiety that came with my vestibular condition could, and often did, bring me to my knees. Crumbling on my bedroom floor because it felt so heavy. I’d succumb to a pile on the ground. It was a physical anxiety that felt like it was swimming in my veins. It was animal and rarely felt connected to my mental state. The initial event had set it free in my system. Anxiety isn’t even the correct word for it... It was much more a fight-or-flight feeling that was so intense it felt like a tight sweater glued to my body that I couldn’t rip off."

Doctors would easily brush the condition of as simply anxiety, but I'd push back.  No way this was just anxiety- there was much more to it.

You know that feeling of being close to passing out?  That's exactly how this symptom felt.  Oddly I did faint a few times in my twenties and looking back I think I was experiencing a silent migraine, but at the time I couldn't make sense of it.  This symptom is certainly disconcerting 

I think I'll forever hate the lights in big box stores.  I remember the first time I went to Target after it all hit and it felt near impossible to move about the store.  As if the lights were trying to hurt me.  Their brightness was overwhelming and my body was screaming "stop!!!".  

I spent a long while working with the lights off in my office and now I wear blue light blocking glasses (I love these ones) whenever I'm under florescent lights.  The glasses make it so my eyes can relax a bit...and they're cute, so that helps (kidding).  

Vertigo is feeling off balanced, like you're spinning or your world is spinning.  As I mentioned, the first year my symptoms were constant, so nothing felt spontaneous.  It was a blur of dizzy awfulness.  However, as I was climbing to the 18-month mark and I was really improving, I very much could feel the ups and downs that came with episodes.  I have a memory of various attacks when vertigo hit out-of-the-blue.  In one attack which I detail in Uncovering Bliss, I climbed into my bed with my winter coat and boats still on as my world spun.  I wished closing my eyes made it all go away, but unfortunately it did not.  The spinning was intense and anyone who has dealt with it knows that it's miserable.   

After the initial event of vestibular neuritis hitting, my eyes went sideways.  That makes no sense to read, but it's absolutely how it felt.  In the first few days I was whipping my head back and forth as if to shake it off.  My eyes stopping focusing like they used to.  Focusing my eyes, something that I never thought about previously became something I had to give a concerted effort to make happen.  Also, my world felt skewed and this was something that improved over time.  This goes along with the whole viewing my life through a window thing.  The time came when I started to see a crack in the window and it was miraculous.  Then the window would shut and I'd be back behind it in my skewed world.  I'm sure if you've deal with a vestibular something you understand what I'm saying.

An example of this is me being somewhere that's familiar and suddenly feeling like I had to gauge my surroundings to better understand where I was.  As if things had moved and I wasn't exactly sure where I stood.  I remember turning around in a circle trying to gather my surroundings.  It's a bizarre feeling.

This one is pretty self explanatory.  Nausea and vomiting are miserable for anyone to experience, but add the other vestibular symptoms into the mix and it became the least of my worries at times.  I only actually got sick a few times, but the nausea certainly made a presence.  In the early days with the vestibular stuff it impacted my appetite.  I was drinking a lot of smoothies to fuel my body.

My neck would get stiff and often it would become difficult and painful to turn my head.  Sometimes this symptom would hit before the others as a warning of what was to come.  On many occasions you could find me lying on my foam roller, trying to get some mobility back.  It would often take days to get better.

Hi there.  I'm assuming because you're reading this post that you're very likely journeying with a vestibular condition, and therefore you understand parts of me immediately... because, well, you just get what it's like.

On October 31, 2016, my vestibular something hit.  I thought it was a cold virus that would pass.  I thought I'd sleep it off.  Twenty-four hours later my symptoms had only intensified to the point that walking felt near impossible and the deep rooted fear was coursing my system like fire.  After going to multiple doctor appointments and receiving no concrete answers, guess what my next step was to find answers...

You got it.  I started Googling my symptoms.  I found a lot of really helpful information [especially on VEDA], but I also wanted to hear from someone in my shoes.  I wanted to talk to someone who had been in the darkness and tell me they had made it through.  I wanted to have a heart-to-heart, so I could find some relief in my fear.

In time I found that support groups existed on Facebook for people with a vestibular something and it meant the world to me (I now run Vestibular Warrior).  I also couldn't believe that there were so many other people in the darkness that I was navigating.  I had thought that I was alone...

​I posted the below in a support group back in July 2017 searching for what my soul needed to hear... and I connected with incredible Vestibular Warriors who took the time to share their stories and help me piece together mine.  I was lost.  I had so many questions...

Recently, someone told me that they were in awe of how "together" I was about my vestibular migraine stuff.  I laughed and could have hugged that person. 

I had to unravel to rebuilt the pieces of myself.  I went the better part of year feeling like I was floating away...a solid 18 months living behind my window [derealization/dissociative symptoms] and longer with the unease and fight-or-flight mode that my vestibular something instilled.

The experience with vestibular neuritis + vestibular migraines took away every comfort in my inner being.  If you're living with a vestibular something, I know you understand.  I looked in the mirror at a woman I didn't recognize and I trudged through life in a body that I desperately wanted to feel connected to.

Around two years in I was finding myself in a grounded body.  I felt like I had come back to life.  The experience had been earthshaking and I knew I couldn't be silent about it.  I knew from being in the darkness that there were so many others needing to find their light.  I knew that there were so many looking to be understood.

And so I started writing.

​It started with creating Bliss Out, this wellness space, in December 2018, and sharing more about my experience in blog posts.  

My next step was compiling the holistic support that had been a huge part of my healing in the Vestibular Warrior Wellness Hub.

Then I started talking about my experience on YouTube (Vestibular Warrior channel).  

But I had more to say and my heart and soul felt like it was still processing the experience.  So earlier this year, I started writing my book and just let the words flow...I'd write and then put it away for weeks, and then bring it back when I felt ready.

Ultimately, I wanted to create what I so badly needed when I was in the throes of vestibular symptom hell, relentlessly trudging.  I wanted to share my feelings and what the symptoms felt like.  I wanted to showcase the corners of my mind and the thoughts that danced in my head.  I wanted to show a journey through the dark and finding the light.

So my mission with Uncovering Bliss is to expose the mind and body experience and tell my story because if someone out there is trudging along needing a friend on the trail, they can turn to my book.  Or maybe my book can be a tool to give to friends/family so they have a better idea what it feels like for their loved one. 

I was at a loss for words when I was in the messy middle.  The words that flow so easily for me now just didn't exist in the chaotic storm.  It was beautifully therapeutic to write my book and so it's a gift to myself as well.  A way to release what's been on my heart and soul and hopefully help others do the same.

​Thank you for your support and kindness.  It means so much to me.

Dear Vestibular Warrior,

​I know there’s a part of me that you understand completely because you’ve been in the same all-consuming moments that come with vestibular stuff.  You’ve probably had moments where you felt so out of control of what was happening to your body, and that may have left you feeling entirely powerless. 

I hope that you’ve discovered that you are certainly not powerless.  You are magnificent and relentlessly fighting back.  I know this because just the fact that we're connecting means you care big time, and you’re striving to feel better... to feel like you.

The truth is that there's a lot of variety with vestibular conditions.  At the same time there's a string running through it all, so even if my experience isn't identical to yours, there's certainly a resemblance. 

Vestibular stuff disconnects us from the world in so many ways.  Sort of ironic because in the same sense, it's connected you and I. 

The more I talk with other vestibular warriors, the more I realize that so many of our stories have the same chapters:  trying to get a diagnosis, finding a doctor that gets it, handling the anxiety, coping with the fact that most people won't understand what it's like, figuring out what helps and what hurts, uncovering strength we didn't know existed, finding gratitude that only comes with climbing tough mountains... the list goes on.  

One of the first doctors I saw after the initial intense attack told me that I could feel like this for a month.  In that moment, that thought crushed me.  How could this last a month?  How would I get through...?  I laugh as I type this because what I didn't know then was that symptoms would be 24/7 for much longer than a month...it was close to 15 months before I truly touched "normalcy".  And I feel beyond lucky that I can say that.  I know that's not the reality for many.

I believe that gaining a soulful perspective on how I wanted to feel was my guiding light.  I know in the beginning it was "I want to feel how I used to".  But, over time that evolved into, I just want to feel grounded in this body that's fought like hell for me.  I didn't want to go back to before,  because I believe I became more "me" having gone through this experience.  I had walked an incredibly bumpy trail and gotten to the  other side of mountain... No way I was going back to the start. 

I eat foods that fuel and nourish my wellness and I believe in the power of food as medicine.  For me, that's a plant-based diet.  There was a period I even questioned my vegan diet- something I'd embraced 10 years earlier (read this post, if that interests you).  I use essential oils, which was a bit daunting when I was brand new to them, but quickly turned into something that helped me heal and support my body both emotionally and physically.  That's my supportive system, but certainly not the entire picture.

I know that putting my diet at the forefront and having a holistic support system was a huge step in a beautiful direction.  Like I was walking along the trail for days with rain pouring down and someone walked up next to me with an umbrella... and a  muffin.  That's why I share all I do-  I'm just passing out umbrellas and muffins on the trail.  You get me, right?

Hi out there!  How are you today?  I know you can't really answer, but I would love to hear from you.  
I made a decision this weekend.  My heart feels ready and my soul is just bursting to open up.  So, I'm going to share my journey with a vestibular condition - the full story (eventually, over several posts).  I want to put the twists and turns in writing, not only for myself, but for all the vestibular warriors out there.  And even if you aren't dealing with a vestibular "something", we all have life events that are monumental.  That shape us and we come out changed.  I'm sharing because it's been such a profound journey of getting to know, well, myself.  I want to put hope and inspiration out to the universe and to anyone who needs it, because that's what I so desperately needed 861 days ago when it all started. 

861 days ago as I sat on the couch in my family room barely able to keep me eyes focused without a concerted effort and the world floating beneath me, I needed someone to look me in my lost eyes and say:

This is going to be really, really hard and it's going to test you on every level.  There will be days that you'll get through just by focusing on the moments.  But, you will uncover true beauty in this life.  You will cry and have hopeless moments too, but you will get up after every fall, and you will get through this.  And then you will uncover all that makes up you, and you'll be thankful for this mountain that shifted your perspective and encouraged you to uncover your bliss.

And if that's what you needed to hear right now, I'm so glad that we've connected.   

​A part of me wishes I had been more open about it back when I was truly in the throes of it, but ultimately I know I wasn't ready... or able to.  I was so lost and scared as to what I could say.  I didn't want to admit to myself (yet) what was unfolding.  I had no answers as to what I was dealing with and barely knew what I'd feel like one moment to the next.  Google searches were more helpful than any doctor I'd talked to. 

​But, somewhere in the thick of it, I knew I'd relentlessly push forward.  I had no clue what that would look like, but my blind hope was all I could grasp onto.

[Note, I'm going to skim many details, only because I share my whole story: here.]

On October 31, 2016, I was hit with vestibular neuritis, which triggered a cycle of vestibular migraines with no relief in between- 24/7 symptoms. I had just returned to work earlier that month from maternity leave.  My boys were two and 3-months old.  There are so many details that blur together that first year, but that first week I remember so clearly.

Crawling around my house because walking was impossible.  If I did walk, I was holding the walls because spatially I was disconnected from myself. 

My husband gently placing our newborn in my arms so I could feed him.  I remember quietly sobbing as I fed him so thankful for his love and so sad because in many ways I felt like I was missing out.

Seeing multiple doctors and trying to make it clear what had happened and how I felt.  And I remember being angry with the world when I realized that no doctor was going to fix me, or even understand my situation.    

I remember being incredibly scared and without answers.

I looked at my two boys and husband, who of course could not understand how terrible I felt, how disconnected I was from the body I was sitting in, and how disorienting the world was around me.  The honest truth is unless you've experienced a vestibular something, you can't truly understand it.  And I'm glad for that, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

861 days ago was a beautiful time in my life that became bombarded with really tough stuff.  It was actually sort of a bizarre experience going back through my phone this weekend searching for photos from that time period 2+ years ago, mainly because I didn't really want to see what I looked like.  Although I didn't find many photos of myself from that time, most of the ones I did were of me smiling.  Smiling?  That surprised me.  Vestibular stuff often feels very dreamlike and in my worst moments I wondered if by some miracle I was dreaming and would wake up from this nightmare.  

I look at this picture (below) of my youngest and I, which I took a few months in, and I'm reminded how much love and goodness I had looking me in the eyes and saying: you CAN do this and you WILL do this.  I had gone to the hairdresser to get my hair highlighted believing that if I looked put together on the outside, maybe the rest of me would catch up... in time.

One of the biggest factors with vestibular conditions is that they are invisible to the world. 

I could be standing in the grocery store barely handling the blaring lights, feeling like I was swaying on a moving dock to the waves, my eyes working overtime to make the world stay in place, and full body anxiety coursing like fire to my system, and the lady behind me could compliment me on how put-together I looked with my two little boys.  In moments like that I could only smile back, but later cry in the shower because keeping up a façade of "I'm totally ok" is exhausting and soul crushing.

But, pretending I was ok long before I truly was also saved me in a really big way.  More on that in a future post...

As I recount these details, I'm bursting with gratitude at the progress I've made over the last 861 days.  Yesterday was a 99.9% better day.  Let's just call it a 100 because why not?  One hundred percent feeling-amazing-day and mind + body bliss.  And I have lots of those kind of days... now.  Most, actually.  

I was at the library with my husband and boys and they were playing on the computers.  I stepped away for a moment and stood in the middle of the kids section just taking in my world,  how beautifully steady it was and how the sun shining through the windows felt freaking fantastic.  My husband looked over and laughed understanding what I was doing.  He's well aware of my stopping to take in my settings and how I'm feeling.  There was certainly a time when I never paused to truly take in my surroundings because how it felt was beyond awful, and I couldn't emotionally go there. 

​There's a lot for me to share on what got me to this point from 861 days ago, and I promise I will.  I will pour out my heart and soul and together we will elevate our wellness.

I believe that we can heal from the inside out.  It's not instantaneous by any stretch and it takes patience and time.  It doesn't necessary mean we're exactly the same as we once were.  But healing from the inside out is empowering and lifechanging.  What if we shifted our perspective and looked just at how we've progressed? 

I'm a huge believer in holistic wellness and a plant-based diet.  I also believe that western medicine is a beautiful thing when used appropriately, and finding a doctor that finally understood my situation (18 months in by the way) was a wonderful thing.

861 days ago was the fresh start I didn't know would happen.  And I certainly had no idea I'd be grateful for it.

Wherever this post finds you, whether it's top of the mountain or at the bottom looking up, let's come together and help each other climb.

I'm just getting started.  I'll be back soon!

​Em :)

{p.s. I created a new Instagram account where I'll be share all things vestibular stuff, from healing, food, supplements, holistic support, mindset... & beyond.  I'd love to connect!}

I haven’t figured you out completely.  Most days I feel pretty spectacular, but you still make an appearance.  Last week you showed up and really scared me.  I surprised myself with how quickly I recovered from your attack, but you rattled me to the core.  

It’s strange because I hate you, but you also changed my life in a beautiful way.  Battling a chronic invisible condition leaves its mark.  I’ve grown in ways that I’m so proud of and I have become ‘more me’ through the process.  You inspired me to help other people also dealing with you and figuring out life with a vestibular something.  I thank you for that.  The more of us that root for each other, advocate for one another and share our experiences, the more that will overcome you.  You’ll be a memory of what we rose above.  The mountain we climbed to see the magnificent view.  

I’m a Vestibular Warrior and you get some credit for that.  You’re a part of my story, but you’re not my whole story.  I like to think of you as my fresh beginning.  Really rocky start (thanks to you), but I’ll be the one journeying somewhere much more beautiful. 

From, 
a Vestibular Warrior

Hi! 

Today I'm talking about what self-care means to me.  And this is something that has evolved, and will continue to, but it’s not a “maybe” if I get time, it’s a priority, because my wellness is so damn important (and yours is too by the way)!

If I care BIG about my wellbeing, then it’s reflected in every area of my life: motherhood, marriage, my work, the energy I put out there, how I approach my vestibular condition + how I approach (and can emotionally + physically take on) every twist and turn in my life.

So in no particular order, here’s my world of self-care:
​
-eating a plant-based diet to nourish my body
-taking supplements to fill the gaps (and gain superhero status)
-climbing into bed and watching Netflix to just chill out
-starting my day with Balance essential oil blend on my feet bottoms to ground me and ease anxious and nervous feelings
-laughing with my husband
​-cuddling with my two-year-old and talking about our favorite superheroes (mine: Ironman, his: Hulk)
-learning from my 4-year old
-going to the chiro
-constantly advocating for myself because vestibular migraine is a label but I want to get to the of it
-move + meditate sessions
-wearing clothes that I feel good in
-talking about all life things with my vegan bestie (hey Char!)
-listening to music that makes me feel lots of emotion + embracing it
-blogging
-dreaming
-relentless goal setting
-connecting with other vestibular warriors
-sharing about my holistic support system (oils...yeah!!)
-knowing when I need to rest
-accepting the ups and downs of life because they make ME
-therapy
-DIY dry shampoo (on the blog)
-recognizing my faults and my attributes
​-drinking water (need to more)
-smiling
-wearing Juice Beauty makeup because it makes my skin happy
-listening the podcasts that set my soul on fire: One Part Podcast and Hol:Fit talks lately!
-gratitude for all the little things
-a big cup of Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee because this mama did not get enough sleep last night.  
That’s a glimpse!  Think on what self-care means to you.

I'd love to hear from you! 

for more about me and the Bliss Out Movement, visit here.

Hi there,

It's been seven beautiful months since I've had an intense vestibular migraine attack.  As I type this, I'm so thankful that I can even make that statement and the way my body has recovered.  Of course, I'm still processing it all.

Yesterday had really (really) trying moments.  It also had beyond beautiful moments. 

In the early afternoon, I felt it start.

My anxiety spiked - whole body raging anxiety that didn't feel mental at all, but more a physical reaction.  I then felt myself start to disconnect from my body.  I suddenly was there yet feeling entirely outside my body as if we weren't the same at all.  I fought back as I always do, but I knew when it was time to just listen.  I got myself home safely.  Threw up at a stop light  and when I got home stumbled inside trying to pay attention to where my feet were stepping. 

I sobbed into my husband’s loving arms that I was having a vestibular migraine attack.  My eyes didn’t want to focus and I felt that dizzy awfulness that’s pure torture.  Sobbing was the release I needed and then I worked to compose myself, climbing under the covers, winter coat and boots still on.  Two years with a vestibular condition and I still have really hard moments. 

I massaged Basil and Peppermint essential oil on my stomach and on my temples many times over the next hour.  Slowly, I felt myself start to find ground, the nausea starting to relent. 

I was rattled to the core, but I was ok.

As I was laying on my side not daring to make a move, all I could think about was all the other vestibular warriors out there.  What once felt so isolating, is something I know so many battle.  We are not alone and I thought about how many other people were using all their energy in that moment to fight an invisible condition.  My heart goes out to them and I’m in awe of their strength.

And this little man of mine pictured above, who has been my superhero through it all (he was just 3 months old when it hit), was just what my soul needed.  I know it sounds silly, but he just gets it.  He climbed into bed with me and rested on me and all was right in the world. 

Go hug the people who fill you with love and overflowing gratitude that they’re in your universe, supporting you along this journey with a vestibular something.

xoxo,
​Em

{for my full story with a vestibular condition, visit here}

I started this book called The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck (A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life)…and I’m already hooked. It’s not about being indifferent and not caring about anything- it’s quite the opposite actually. It’s not putting energy in all the wrong places (whatever that means to you). For me that means that perfect image of life, perfect house, perfect job, perfect social media account… it all goes out the window.  Not any place I want to give energy.
​
This last 19 months of dealing with a vestibular dysfunction has broken me…but actually I’m not so broken, I’m more remolded into…me. And I have tunnel vision looking at only what matters to me in this life.

“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experiences is itself a positive experience.” Damn, that’s brilliant. It’s everything I’ve learned as I heal each and every day.

Regardless of what you’re going through (and if it is a vestibular dysfunction, man I feel for you), imagine if you didn’t compare it to someone else’s life, someone else’s social media feed, or your own perception of how your life should look.

What if you just looked at your life and thought, well awesome… let’s ride through this beautiful storm and smile as the sun comes out.

Other news:  Last night I read the Migraine Relief Plan and I’m diving in deep.  The author totally gets it when it comes to vestibular symptoms and while I’ve been following a very clean diet, there are certainly foods I love that could be triggers (heyyy avocados + nuts, my bffs), so we’ll see how cutting them out goes.  I truly believe I was hit with vestibular neuritis and now I’m dealing with vestibular migraines and/or cervicogenic headache/dizziness.  And two years ago I had no idea what any of this was, so there ya go!  I plan to keep sharing as it’s therapeutic for me, but I want others to know that life goes on even with a vestibular dysfunction (and there’s happiness and joy as well, promise).

For other posts on my vestibular disorder, visit here.

So, how are you?