vestibular conditions // vestibular migraine supportDear Vestibular Warrior, I know there’s a part of me that you understand completely because you’ve been in the same all-consuming moments that come with vestibular stuff. You’ve probably had moments where you felt so out of control of what was happening to your body, and that may have left you feeling entirely powerless. I hope that you’ve discovered that you are certainly not powerless. You are magnificent and relentlessly fighting back. I know this because just the fact that we're connecting means you care big time, and you’re striving to feel better... to feel like you. The truth is that there's a lot of variety with vestibular conditions. At the same time there's a string running through it all, so even if my experience isn't identical to yours, there's certainly a resemblance. Vestibular stuff disconnects us from the world in so many ways. Sort of ironic because in the same sense, it's connected you and I. The more I talk with other vestibular warriors, the more I realize that so many of our stories have the same chapters: trying to get a diagnosis, finding a doctor that gets it, handling the anxiety, coping with the fact that most people won't understand what it's like, figuring out what helps and what hurts, uncovering strength we didn't know existed, finding gratitude that only comes with climbing tough mountains... the list goes on. One of the first doctors I saw after the initial intense attack told me that I could feel like this for a month. In that moment, that thought crushed me. How could this last a month? How would I get through...? I laugh as I type this because what I didn't know then was that symptoms would be 24/7 for much longer than a month...it was close to 15 months before I truly touched "normalcy". And I feel beyond lucky that I can say that. I know that's not the reality for many. I believe that gaining a soulful perspective on how I wanted to feel was my guiding light. I know in the beginning it was "I want to feel how I used to". But, over time that evolved into, I just want to feel grounded in this body that's fought like hell for me. I didn't want to go back to before, because I believe I became more "me" having gone through this experience. I had walked an incredibly bumpy trail and gotten to the other side of mountain... No way I was going back to the start. I eat foods that fuel and nourish my wellness and I believe in the power of food as medicine. For me, that's a plant-based diet. There was a period I even questioned my vegan diet- something I'd embraced 10 years earlier (read this post, if that interests you). I use essential oils, which was a bit daunting when I was brand new to them, but quickly turned into something that helped me heal and support my body both emotionally and physically. That's my supportive system, but certainly not the entire picture. I know that putting my diet at the forefront and having a holistic support system was a huge step in a beautiful direction. Like I was walking along the trail for days with rain pouring down and someone walked up next to me with an umbrella... and a muffin. That's why I share all I do- I'm just passing out umbrellas and muffins on the trail. You get me, right? I want you to know that I will not pretend that our stories are the same, only that we've probably walked on some of the same paths. And if we pass each other along that trail, let's swap stories and root for one another. From, Em- a Vestibular Warrior Vestibular Warrior Resources // YouTube Videos [Vestibular Warrior] // Oils Routine for Vestibular Warriors // Contact Em
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vestibular neuritis diagnosis / vestibular migraine diagnosis / vestibular migraine lifeHi out there! How are you today? I know you can't really answer, but I would love to hear from you. I made a decision this weekend. My heart feels ready and my soul is just bursting to open up. So, I'm going to share my journey with a vestibular condition - the full story (eventually, over several posts). I want to put the twists and turns in writing, not only for myself, but for all the vestibular warriors out there. And even if you aren't dealing with a vestibular "something", we all have life events that are monumental. That shape us and we come out changed. I'm sharing because it's been such a profound journey of getting to know, well, myself. I want to put hope and inspiration out to the universe and to anyone who needs it, because that's what I so desperately needed 861 days ago when it all started. 861 days ago as I sat on the couch in my family room barely able to keep me eyes focused without a concerted effort and the world floating beneath me, I needed someone to look me in my lost eyes and say: This is going to be really, really hard and it's going to test you on every level. There will be days that you'll get through just by focusing on the moments. But, you will uncover true beauty in this life. You will cry and have hopeless moments too, but you will get up after every fall, and you will get through this. And then you will uncover all that makes up you, and you'll be thankful for this mountain that shifted your perspective and encouraged you to uncover your bliss. And if that's what you needed to hear right now, I'm so glad that we've connected. A part of me wishes I had been more open about it back when I was truly in the throes of it, but ultimately I know I wasn't ready... or able to. I was so lost and scared as to what I could say. I didn't want to admit to myself (yet) what was unfolding. I had no answers as to what I was dealing with and barely knew what I'd feel like one moment to the next. Google searches were more helpful than any doctor I'd talked to. But, somewhere in the thick of it, I knew I'd relentlessly push forward. I had no clue what that would look like, but my blind hope was all I could grasp onto. [Note, I'm going to skim many details, only because I share my whole story: here.] On October 31, 2016, I was hit with vestibular neuritis, which triggered a cycle of vestibular migraines with no relief in between- 24/7 symptoms. I had just returned to work earlier that month from maternity leave. My boys were two and 3-months old. There are so many details that blur together that first year, but that first week I remember so clearly. Crawling around my house because walking was impossible. If I did walk, I was holding the walls because spatially I was disconnected from myself. My husband gently placing our newborn in my arms so I could feed him. I remember quietly sobbing as I fed him so thankful for his love and so sad because in many ways I felt like I was missing out. Seeing multiple doctors and trying to make it clear what had happened and how I felt. And I remember being angry with the world when I realized that no doctor was going to fix me, or even understand my situation. I remember being incredibly scared and without answers. I looked at my two boys and husband, who of course could not understand how terrible I felt, how disconnected I was from the body I was sitting in, and how disorienting the world was around me. The honest truth is unless you've experienced a vestibular something, you can't truly understand it. And I'm glad for that, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 861 days ago was a beautiful time in my life that became bombarded with really tough stuff. It was actually sort of a bizarre experience going back through my phone this weekend searching for photos from that time period 2+ years ago, mainly because I didn't really want to see what I looked like. Although I didn't find many photos of myself from that time, most of the ones I did were of me smiling. Smiling? That surprised me. Vestibular stuff often feels very dreamlike and in my worst moments I wondered if by some miracle I was dreaming and would wake up from this nightmare. I look at this picture (below) of my youngest and I, which I took a few months in, and I'm reminded how much love and goodness I had looking me in the eyes and saying: you CAN do this and you WILL do this. I had gone to the hairdresser to get my hair highlighted believing that if I looked put together on the outside, maybe the rest of me would catch up... in time. One of the biggest factors with vestibular conditions is that they are invisible to the world. I could be standing in the grocery store barely handling the blaring lights, feeling like I was swaying on a moving dock to the waves, my eyes working overtime to make the world stay in place, and full body anxiety coursing like fire to my system, and the lady behind me could compliment me on how put-together I looked with my two little boys. In moments like that I could only smile back, but later cry in the shower because keeping up a façade of "I'm totally ok" is exhausting and soul crushing. But, pretending I was ok long before I truly was also saved me in a really big way. More on that in a future post... As I recount these details, I'm bursting with gratitude at the progress I've made over the last 861 days. Yesterday was a 99.9% better day. Let's just call it a 100 because why not? One hundred percent feeling-amazing-day and mind + body bliss. And I have lots of those kind of days... now. Most, actually. I was at the library with my husband and boys and they were playing on the computers. I stepped away for a moment and stood in the middle of the kids section just taking in my world, how beautifully steady it was and how the sun shining through the windows felt freaking fantastic. My husband looked over and laughed understanding what I was doing. He's well aware of my stopping to take in my settings and how I'm feeling. There was certainly a time when I never paused to truly take in my surroundings because how it felt was beyond awful, and I couldn't emotionally go there. There's a lot for me to share on what got me to this point from 861 days ago, and I promise I will. I will pour out my heart and soul and together we will elevate our wellness. I believe that we can heal from the inside out. It's not instantaneous by any stretch and it takes patience and time. It doesn't necessary mean we're exactly the same as we once were. But healing from the inside out is empowering and lifechanging. What if we shifted our perspective and looked just at how we've progressed? I'm a huge believer in holistic wellness and a plant-based diet. I also believe that western medicine is a beautiful thing when used appropriately, and finding a doctor that finally understood my situation (18 months in by the way) was a wonderful thing. 861 days ago was the fresh start I didn't know would happen. And I certainly had no idea I'd be grateful for it. Wherever this post finds you, whether it's top of the mountain or at the bottom looking up, let's come together and help each other climb. I'm just getting started. I'll be back soon! Em :) {p.s. I created a new Instagram account where I'll be share all things vestibular stuff, from healing, food, supplements, holistic support, mindset... & beyond. I'd love to connect!} Vestibular Warrior Resources // YouTube Videos [Vestibular Warrior] // Oils Routine for Vestibular Warriors // Contact Em
vestibular migraine diagnosis / vestibular neuritis diagnosis / vestibular recoveryDear Vestibular Condition, When you first came into my life with no warning, you were a trauma to my system. I went from feeling like myself to so disconnected from the person I once was. I was so scared of what was happening to me and for a while I truly had no idea. You were a mystery to me, and many doctors, for a while until I was eventually able to give you a name: vestibular neuritis. And then over a year down the road, I uncovered another part of you: vestibular migraines. Now I think of you as the vestibular stuff. You’re a part of me and these days I see you in a more positive light. Mainly because I believe that my body can heal and that you do not have to consume my days. But in the beginning, you demanded my attention every second. You were greedy and shameless. You took over my mind and body. I felt like I was living on a moving dock, seeing the world through a foggy curtain with no end in sight, and so completely lost as to what way would help me get free. Over time I got used to your presence, but I still fought back. I was determined to help my body heal on a holistic level and I embraced eating foods to nourish my body, supplements to fill the gaps, and a natural toolkit to support me through your relentless symptoms. About a year into life with you - my vestibular condition - I started to find pieces of myself again. There were even moments when I wouldn’t think of you. Those moments were glorious. But then, out-of-blue, you’d be back without warning or care for what I was doing or where I was in my life. That’s when I started to discover that you had shifted in form and I would need to shift my approach in order to cope with you. Vestibular migraines are a mystery in so many ways, and you demonstrated that very clearly. But I fought back hard. I saw every doctor, I ate clean whole foods, took my supplements, embraced yoga and meditation, and even started running again. I worked with a neurologist who understood you. I started to break through the fog and in doing so my heart opened up in a new way. Life was all the more precious and all the small moments were filled with gratitude because I could experience them, as me. I haven’t figured you out completely. Most days I feel pretty spectacular, but you still make an appearance. Last week you showed up and really scared me. I surprised myself with how quickly I recovered from your attack, but you rattled me to the core. It’s strange because I hate you, but you also changed my life in a beautiful way. Battling a chronic invisible condition leaves its mark. I’ve grown in ways that I’m so proud of and I have become ‘more me’ through the process. You inspired me to help other people also dealing with you and figuring out life with a vestibular something. I thank you for that. The more of us that root for each other, advocate for one another and share our experiences, the more that will overcome you. You’ll be a memory of what we rose above. The mountain we climbed to see the magnificent view. I’m a Vestibular Warrior and you get some credit for that. You’re a part of my story, but you’re not my whole story. I like to think of you as my fresh beginning. Really rocky start (thanks to you), but I’ll be the one journeying somewhere much more beautiful. From, a Vestibular Warrior Vestibular Warrior Resources // YouTube Videos [Vestibular Warrior] // Oils Routine for Vestibular Warriors // Contact Em
Heyyy! I'm currently in the process of writing the Bliss Out Guide, and I want to share some of it through blog posts because it feels like the right way to delivery all that's on my heart. I'm also finding writing again to feel so damn good. I've missed it and I'm completely reminded why I used to blog. Right now I'm in the middle of the chapter on mindset + feelings, so it should be no surprise that I'm letting emotion flow and reflecting on my desired feelings. Because that's what it's all about for me. Living in the a way that's true to how I want to feel. I start the chapter with what I think is one of the most important questions we could ever ask ourselves: What do you want out of this life? |
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