I'm here to talk about something that I think is really important when it comes to vestibular migraine healing and recovery: regressions and setbacks. It's something I have experienced many, many times along my journey since 2016.
The first year I was just trudging through darkness relentlessly (I was most likely suffering from vestibular neuritis, which triggered vestibular migraines).
There was no path. I was just going and I wasn't even sure where I was going. Healing, I hoped. Praying I'd get back to me, wherever she was. I certainly didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. Derealization came with me as I floated my way through life... always floating, which still makes me cringe. I haven't revisited these moments in a while and I always feel a pang in my heart when I do. Basically, my symptoms were constantly flooding my mind and body and I didn't have a moment of relief. [note: I share my whole journey in Uncovering Bliss if that interests you]
If you're journeying with a vestibular something, then you probably understand the darkness completely.
By the end of year one, I was starting to find the light that would guide me as I healed. I was deeply embracing a holistic approach, but healing was slow. I had moments - brief moments - when I could gasp for air. I'd say I hit 80% by that first year, but that wasn't without several setbacks and regressions. In that second year the regressions were in full force. I'd be dancing along at my 90% better, feeling so damn good and alive and then BAM! The symptoms would return without any notice or explanation. It hurt my heart.
In many ways the regressions were harder than when my symptoms were full-force all-the-time because in the darkness I sort of got used to it (not easy by any stretch, but familiar). When I had seen the light and felt a bit of relief, it felt so blissful that losing that bliss was a slap in the face. More like getting run over by a truck. Emotionally and physically it hurt. It freaking stung and then I had to fight my way back out of it.
I was in the throes of a vestibular migraine cycle- something I wouldn't really understand until I could process everything once I was further along.
My first day without any symptoms was over 18 months in. But even after that blissful day, there were more setbacks. I know I'm very lucky that I can say I've hardly experienced any vestibular symptoms in the last two years.
Last week I felt a twinge of it and it only ignited my memory on how real regressions are. I am so thankful that it never turned into a full attack and it passed within the day. I woke up the next day rattled by the glimpse of it and anxious, but driven to take on the day and push forward. I went grocery shopping and felt the ground beneath my feet and smiled that I was standing. It had passed in a flash- just a glitch in the Matrix (as my friend told me). That shows how much healing I've really done. It didn't take days or weeks to come through. Hours rather than days...
My plan has always been to heal myself... Thank you, Universe.
My point in sharing all this is that healing is not linear. One of my worst attacks was around eighteen months in. I also started to touch recovery soon thereafter. That's just the way it goes.
These days I know that regressions mean I need to look at how I'm feeding my health.
How am I eating?
Am I getting into nature?
What is fueling my soul each day?
These things really matter. They are the foundation of my health and wellness.
My experience last week inspired me to dive into a third round of the 3:6:9 Medical Medium Cleanse. Here I am on day 8 (of 9) and glad I've pushed through it. Mentally it's been a game this round, but I feel like I'm coming out stronger than ever. [my full Medical Medium journey can be found here]
I hope I've kicked the pain migraines to curb and of course want to eliminate any vestibular something, but time will tell. If I experience another glitch, I know what I need to do. I believe in healing.
Also, I'm almost off my migraine medication, down to the last dosage and just need to say goodbye. The weaning could also account for the migraine experience. It's been eight months of slowly weaning. I'll be sharing more about that soon.
So, here's to setbacks and regressions... Maybe they are just showing us when we need to take a turn on the bumpy path. Stumble, but get back up. It might sting, but the bliss is on the other side.